June 6, 2011

Another deployment, another day

-For L and V

So it begins.  I am an Army Wife once again this week as Music Man left just a little bit ago for a week's worth of missions somewhere. In the grand scheme, this deployment is nothing, and I consider myself lucky. A dear friend of mine in Texas, L,  is going through her first deployment and is about four months into a year. Another good friend of mine, V,  is preparing for a move with two little boys as her husband just left for his twelve month deployment. Both soldiers are in Afghanistan. Mine is staying within the continental US.

I never thought I would be an Army Wife. I never had the desire to marry a military man though I have always been patriotic and supportive of our soldiers. And yet, as I got older, it seemed that just about everyone I met was either in the military or had family in the military. It's very common in my generation. And it's very humbling to think the new generation of veterans returning from war is my generation, my husband among them.
I never thought Music Man would be a military man, either. He is different than the average soldier, but then again, I don't know if I can say there is such a thing as an average soldier. Each man and woman is his own. Mine, however, was not someone I ever saw joining the Army, especially active duty. But, his brother has served, and both grandfathers served. It is in his blood, and it was in his heart to serve his country. And though he is a soldier, it doesn't define him. He is who he is, a soldier simply being a job. When his contract came up last January, we made the difficult decision to get out of the Army, though he reenlisted in the National Guard. Music Man didn't feel like he was career Army and wanted to go back to school and pursue his dream. The Guard was a way to help adjust and also offered some great benefits for school. And though it has been a tough adjustment, we are exactly where God wants us to be now. Though we are quickly finding out that He has much bigger plans for us.

There's the chance that someday Music Man may go back to Active Duty, that God may lead us back there. Right now, his unit is working on a promotion board for him and possibly some other leadership opportunities. The Guard life is much different than Active Duty life, but it's life all the same. And so we continue pray for the military path God may or may not take us on.

I never thought I could be a military wife. I didn't think I had it in me. But, there's something of perseverance to be said in being a Army wife. It's not easy being the only one home for a good stretch of time while your solider is off somewhere. It's hard trying no to worry or trying not to get caught up in the news everyday. It's hard not being able to call him immediately with good news. It's hard not saying good night to him every night, and sleeping alone in our bed.

Being a Army Wife, even in such a short time, has taught me a lot: about myself, about life, about strength, about persevering. Even if these spans of aloneness are hard, I know I'm never truly alone. I have my soldier, somewhere, thinking about me, and I know that my God is bigger than this aloneness. He is here too: teaching me, using me, revealing things in me. And in my longing for my husband, for life to be back to our normal, God reminds me that He is the one who " satisfies my desires with good things so that my youth is renewed like the eagles." Because during deployments, we become weary, both soldier and wife. But out God can bring us rest. 

It's not easy... not one bit of it is... but when that day comes, and your soldier returns from war, ragged and with sand filled boots, the love that lingers in that first kiss and the joy that overwhelms you when you wrap your arms around each other in the most wonderful hug of your life... those are the moments of renewal. Of strength. Of pperseverance.

So I may only be an Army Wife a weekends/weeks worth at a time right now, but I know what it takes to be one. And I just want to say to my dear friends. L and V, who are without their soldiers right now, keep enduring. You are some of the strongest women I know.

1 comment:

  1. You are a wonderful woman who has nearly brought tears to my eyes :) I think of you often, as you travelled this road before I, and I think often of your description of that hello... when he finally came home. Knowing women like you, who have done it before, is what helps me to have the strength to persevere. You are totally right, there is something in the challenge to keep going... maybe that is a manifestation of God's grace in the present circumstances. :) I love you, Mrs. Lore. You are a blessing to me. Thank you for sharing these thoughts and for thinking of me :)