A ‘just deal’ Run

My morning started like this.

Actually, let me back up, because this morning actually started with last night.

This is what happened to my living room

And it spilled over onto my bed, and the dining room table, and pretty much anywhere else there was free room.

It’s often what happens the evening before Music Man Leaves.
He’s got a million things to put together and pack up.

I’m used to it by now.
However, the late nights and early mornings… that’s something I’ll never get used too.
This morning started with a bedtime of about 11:45 pm by the time everything was all said and done.

I was definitely tired, pimply faced, and full of dark circles.
Lovely. Glad I documented it.

Then, the alarm went off about 3:30 am since Music Man had to drive a bit  to catch his 6am flight.
He’s off to two weeks of Army leadership school, and even though we just did close to four weeks apart, and even though I’m used to all of this, I feel this will be the hardest separation this summer.
We probably won’t get to talk much, if at all this time.
That’s often the hardest part for me.

So, when my 5:30 am alarm went off, I turned it off and rolled back over really just wanting to stay in bed all day.
It’s how I feel when he leaves.

But, I’m stronger than that.

I only slept for about another hour and then dragged myself out of bed. Almost literally.
Then I pulled on the jog bra and sneakers,and headed out for a watchless run.

It’s my typical Just Deal run.

This is Music Man’s third training trip this summer, he had two last summer, and before that, he had multiple trips or weekends in the field when he was active duty, not to mention a deployment.
I’m used to it.
But running , among many other things, helps me through it.

I’m not typically a mopey person, but I can be. Oh boy, can I be.
But I don’t like to be. I’d rather be joyful, encouraging, positive, and hopeful.
Yet like the first few steps of a run, the first day of him gone is always the hardest.
I seriously, well, maybe if I had a tv in the bedroom, could stay in our bed all day. I could toss and turn, nap on and off, watch some dopey soap operas or talk shows, spend hours on Netflix, maybe read a book, but mainly just stay sedentary and throw a giant pity party for myself.

I could.
But I never do.

Instead, I get out of bed, and often times head out on some scheduled training run that I never finish.
My Just Deal runs are my best-worst runs ever.
I never hit the mileage I’m supposed to be training for that day.
I never wear a watch.
I just take my jelly legs and run.

After a night of being woken up early, falling in and out of sleep, and crazy dreams (like the one last night where JJ had a stroke and had weird yellow goop coming out of his eyes)  I know my morning run is going to be no good.
Today I was supposed to do 5 easy miles.

I ran 2.5.
It was terrible.
It was beautiful.

When I started I didn’t think I was going to be able to run. My legs hated me. My heart hurt.
But I kept pacing, and after about 3/4 a mile, my legs warmed up. I probably ran at my typical pace, but I don’t know because I didn’t time it.
Instead, I focused on the beauty of the park, and the fact that I ran by a deer 3 feet away from me that didn’t move at all.

And I prayed.
I prayed for safe travel. For encouragement. For strength. For time to grow independently. For Music Man to know how proud of him I am.
I offered up thanksgiving for the life we have and the life we’re being called too. Even if it means being apart.

But mostly, I prayed for endurance.
That we could make it through the next two weeks stronger—in God, in love, in ourselves, and in each other.

And after that horrible-wonderful 2.5 miles, I felt good.
Like I always do.
Because these runs, they take the things I’ve been handed at this one very moment—the things that are hindering me from moving forward—and they teach me not grow weary and lose heart.

They teach me to endure. To persevere.
To just deal.

Passing the Baton: Have you had any runs lately that have taught you something? Do you have something reoccurring in your life in which you find yourself running to deal with it? Have you ever run to get rid of pain before? Do you run for joy? What does a watchless run teach you?
_____________________
Seek Peace. Choose Joy. Find Strong. Live Faith. Breath Hope.

Thought for a Thursday: Gratitude and Running

Today….today is simple gratitude.

Today marked the last day of my two hard summer intensive classes.

And I passed with flying colors.

Remember back when I was all whiney about failing an assignment and doing horrible on a test?
Well, I kind of sort of Aced my test both last week and this week. AND I got a 25/25 on my case study this week.
I was only points away from a A for my final grade, but you know, I’m actually ok with that.

Because I withstood time, and each week I improved.

I endured, and the end result paid off.
I kind of even feel smarter in psychology.
And… I know that despite quitting my job, despite being poor this summer and probably stressed, this is exactly where I, we, are supposed to be.

Plus, my professor (who was GREAT!) took us all out for ice cream.

That’s definitely the “Emack Attack.” Around 24 scoops and every topping imaginable.
it’s a good thing there were 10 of us sharing. Though I probably could have eaten it all myself.

 

Today, I am also super thankful for running.

It may have been the week I had to finally make the decision that no, I will not be racing any triathlons this year, but I’m going to fall in love with running again this summer.

I’ll be swimming and biking, and enjoying all that cross training, but I’m going to start training for my first 26.2
Which is absolutely crazy, but exciting all at once.
And my “pre-training” started this week.

I have a 16 week plan that I’m going to attempt, and so, in order to attempt that, I need to build on the mileage base I have going now.
Which leads up to my 5-week pretraining. And I am stoked.

Not only that, but I’ve started a ladies running group that’s going to be a mix of a couch to 5k program, and some fun, longer runs because there’s such an array of ladies who are interested.
It’s going to be my first taste of sharing my running passion/knowledge aka unofficial coaching, and I am so excited.
I think it’s going to be a lot of mileage…but I’m ready for it.

It’s really hard sometimes to say no to things… but I’m beginning to find that there is always a yes down the road.
My timing is always off, and I’m impatient as heck, but when those yesses come, I know it’s because He’s ready for me.

And those yeses are what bring the most joy.

Passing the Baton: What are you thankful for today? Have you had some closed doors for the summer already? If so, what are they? Do you have any idea what open door they might lead too? Would you eat the “Emack Attack” all by yourself, too?
_______________________
Seek Peace. Choose Joy. Find Strong. Breathe Hope. Live Faith.

Thought for a Thursday: Gratitude

 

My days should be filled with this prayer.

 

But most days aren’t

I worry. I stress. I get anxious. I complain.

When honestly, the mornings I wake up and I have breath and I can move and I can love…

those are days some people do not or will not ever get.

Today is Thursday, and it’s slowly been becoming a day when I meditate and reflect and share gratitude.

And after two tests, 1 quiz, and a week of reading… I would normally be giving extra thanks.

But I’m throwing those things aside today and simply being.

 

Because thankfulness… it isn’t always something to express in words.

It’s something to just be.

Passing the Baton: What causes you to simply be? Or are you like me and have trouble pausing, and breathing, and taking in the things we take for granted? What is one thing you are thankful today that without it, you wouldn’t be you?

_______________
Seek Peace. Choose Joy. Breath Hope. Live Faith.

Motivating Monday: Facing my Fears

 

Oh boy. I think I’m going to adopt this as my new mantra. Or blog title.
Can’t you see it?

Enduring: Facing my fears through running…and running….and running

I've been scared of a lot of things in my life.
Heights. Decisions.
Boys. Money.
The Future. Puppets.
Commitments.  Spending my life in school.
Quitting my job. Going back to school.
Running a full marathon. Choosing the right area of study.
Falling in love.
Change.

But you know how I combat those fears?

I often head out on a run.
It clears my head.
It makes me think.
It makes me stop thinking.
It helps me create.
It helps me see.

And it gives me endorphins which ultimately give me a high-on-life-nothing-is-going-to-scare-me moment.

And right now, I'm running.

I'm running in the mornings. I'm running in the evenings. I'm running double on the weekend. I'm running between classes.
I’m even running metaphorically.

Because I'm in this new uncharted territory. And I am in deep.

I'm scared I finally figured out what I want to do with my life vocationally but that I won't be good at it.
I'm scared to be in school for five to seven more years and not having a solid job (or time to work) during that timeframe to help us financially get through.
I'm scared to even apply to the school for the program I want to continue on in because the school is prestigious. And expensive. And it means I may have to commute. And what if I don’t get in?
I’m scared all the stress I used to have in school is going to resurface…and that Music Man will seriously think I’m crazy.
I'm ready to write my novel, but I'm scared to pen the words because what if no one likes it?
I'm scared of clicking the submit button on my marathon registration because that means I have to actually run 26.2 miles. And I have to figure out a way to turn the race weekend into a getaway weekend.

I'm scared of so many things right now, I often think I’m in the middle of a quarter life crisis. It’s real people.  Seriously.

But when I breathe, I ask myself, if I don't fight my fears head on, how will I conquer them?

In the entire, short first chapter of Joshua, God tells him to be strong and courageous three  times.
THREE.
I think I’m like Joshua. I really didn’t hear Him the first time. Or the second.

I have really got to start listening.

  “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
                             -Joshua 1:9

Passing the Baton: How do you face your fears? Does running help you conquer them? What fears are you facing right now?

_____________________

Seek Peace. Choose Joy. Find Strong. Breathe Hope. Live Faith.

Though for Thursday: Gratitude

Today is my one day of vacation this week that’s actually vacation. No observing. No big plans. Time to clean a bit and maybe just relax.
So what did I do this morning?
I woke up at 5am and went running with RB.
After taking last week off, she’s itching to get running with me again, mainly because we both know that we are more accountable with each other. I actually get out of bed when I know I have to meet her. And vice versa.
I really didn’t want to run. Honestly, I wanted to sleep in.
And, my leg is still being stupid. And I’m in that middle-of-races-mode where I don’t technically have anything to train for because I haven’t paid the race fee yet, and I’m self-doubting because after eight days off I’m afraid I won’t remember how to run.
Plus I attempted running Tuesday evening on the treadmill and it was a disaster.
But then I remembered, I get to run.
I mean, sure, I have the choice of whether I want to run or not, but either way, I still get to make that choice.
Some people aren’t that lucky. There are those out there in so many different circumstances than mine, that aren’t able to experience the joy of movement.

There probably will be a day when my legs no longer can move across the pavement, and I pray it’s later than sooner, but when I woke up this morning I knew today wasn’t that day.
And so I put in 4 miles, thankful only for movement.
Thought for your Thursday: What if every run we were thankful just for movement? What if, even on those days when we are focused on splits and end times, we celebrated the fact that we are able to run? That in truth, no matter how hard that run was, it was still effortless for our body? What if that thought spurred us to run for those who can’t move? What if, somehow, our movement could help others?
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Choose Joy. Breathe Hope.

Thought for a Thursday: Gratitude

 

As I’ve ventured on  my quest this year, one thing I have been diligently trying to do every day is to be thankful.

Thanksgiving can bring us a joy we have never known before, and I figured that I may never fully be able to banish anxiety, but I could perhaps try and replace it with something else.

Thus, Thanksgiving.

I have noticed a significant change in my attitude. To be honest, it is definitely  a work in progress because there are still times  when I get caught up in the moment and find myself tense or focusing on the negative; but there have been many times when I have shifted my thinking to a moment of thanksgiving without hesitation. It has become a progressive act for me.
Thanksgiving is becoming my verb.

Thought for your Thursday: Thanksgiving, as a noun, may be a holiday we share once a year with our family to gather around a table, splurge on food, and remember why we are thankful. But what if we lived everyday with thanksgiving as a verb and always gave it away?

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Seek peace. Choose joy. Breathe hope.