May 24, 2012

Thought for a Thursday: Gratitude

Since my blog is about being honest, here goes nothing.

I really don’t want to be grateful today.

I think I forgot how to run this week.



I need this today. I mean, I really need this today.

You all know I started school again this week, and taking summer intensives is hard. I’ve forgotten how hard cramming 16 weeks of class into 16 days is. And since I’ve been on pause from school for about two years, my mind doesn’t feel as fresh as it used too.  As academic as it used too. Which means that the test I bombed today, and the case study I failed really didn’t help my thinking. Nor did the fact that after I’m done with my classes for the day I just study. I haven’t had time for running.

So I’ve pretty much been full of self-doubt, and wondering if I should even become a teacher… if this is the right program for me… if I can really do this…if I’ll ever have time to train for a marathon.

What the crap.

I’m a triathlete.
I’ve finished four half-marathons.
I’m attempting my first marathon.
I do endurance like it’s nothing, and yet, after one week of class and a few grades, I turn to a puddle of mush.
I wallowed in my self-pity-my-brain-has-disintegrated-and-I’m-no-longer-smart attitude all day.

What the crap is wrong with me.

I’ll tell you what is wrong with me.
I’m not grateful.
I’m not thankful.

And I haven’t been all week.

The thought that I’m back in school…that I get the chance to be back in school didn’t even cross my mind.
I haven’t even stopped to think about, and revel in the fact that I’m back in school: a place I love.
Honestly, I shouldn’t be worried about a few failed (which is really just sub par C for me) assignments. I should be thinking how those failures are successes because it means I’m pushing my brain again.
I’m learning.
After all, a failed run is still a run. It’s a time I’ve used to learn something. It’s a time to make myself better.
Take Tuesday for instance. I met my RB late afternoon-ish, about 12 hours later than we usually run.
We did our 4 mile loop, of which only 30 minutes were spent running because it was a time of day I wasn’t used to running at, I was tired, it was super hot, and I was dehydrated.
A bad run?

I ran about 3 miles which means I ran. I finished something.
And I learned.
I need to run more in the afternoon to build my stamina back up.

And I definitely need to keep working on my hydration.
Did I wallow after that run?
most definitely not

So I’m done wallowing. It was a couple of stupid grades. Whatever.
Next week is a new week. New experience. New chances to learn.
Time to keep running.

Thought for your Thursday: Are you a wallow-er? Are you the type of person who has trouble accepting failure, or seeing the better side of failure? What do you do to get yourself back in the race? How do you shift your focus? How do you keep running?


Seek Peace. Find Strong.