July 1, 2012

Glorious, glorious news and how God smacked me in the face

As a warning, this post won’t be featuring many pictures.
But it will include a lot of good news

So…I’ve been hinting a bit this weekend about news—both bad and good.
I think I’ve had enough time to take it all in, so I’m giving you a story.

Our protagonist is a young woman, middle 20’s, slightly unsure of her career future, but strongly trying to focus on God’s plans for her.
She has taken about two years off of school because after entering a master’s program, she realized it wasn’t the right place for her.
In this past two years, she has prayed, and discussed, and meditated on what she is meant to do for a career: something that she has always struggled with. Namely because she has always wanted to be everything at the same time, but secondly, because she not only wants a career that she is passionate about, but one that makes her happy and allows her to help people.

Her first dream is to be a published writer. A blogger… yes, but some sort of paycheck would be nice.
Becoming a writer fulfills her wish to be everything all at once because her imagination can take her anywhere and she can become anyone.

The passion and joy is also fulfilled… but there has always been something still tugging at her.
And she does love literature. Immensely.

So, after two years of prayerful consideration, and even in this economy, she quits her full time job to go back to school because she’s finally decided to quit running from the direction God has been telling her (mostly through people in her life that she refused to listen too.)

Our protagonist has decided to become a teacher (or school librarian. She isn’t 100% sure yet but getting the right certification to get to either place.)
She has a heart for middle school and high school students. She hopes she can instill passion in them and a love of literature.
And she hopes she can change lives.

But after taking her first round of classes, and realizing the financial aspect of the next year and a half, she worries.
She has become a doubting Thomas.

And then, in the midst of a solid week of questioning whether or not this truly is the right path for her, her test scores come back.
To become a teacher, she must take a series of standardized tests, one of which tests her academic proficiency and determines whether or not she can move ahead to her next curriculum classes tentatively scheduled for the fall.
She had taken the test in March, and needs to register for her classes very soon, and so, when she receives the email on Friday evening that holds her fall plans, she breathes and opens it.

Language Arts – passed
Mathematics – passed
Writing – passes
Reading Comprehension – not passed

And she looses her breath and wonders again if this is right for her. Wonders again if she is smart enough to continue on because she has failed the one thing she has an education in and hopes to teach.
There is no time  to retake the test before the fall registration window which now means she must add an extra semester onto her schooling and take on more debt to pay for it.
She feels this is impossible.

And so, her husband takes her bowling that evening to forget about the test, and suggests that perhaps 18 hours would have been too much for the fall anyway.
She does not need to take on that which will stress her to no end.
She shrugs it off, wonders what happened during the test, and has trouble understanding His timing.

And then, Saturday arrives with a letter she had never been expecting.

At the same time she was testing for her academic proficiency, she was submitting applications for scholarships.
One of which offered several awards ranging from $1,000 to $10,000 based on financial need and an essay.

Saturday was the day she found out she had received a scholarship for far more than she ever expected.

Saturday was the day God revealed to her that she was indeed following His path and doing what she was meant to be doing.

Saturday was the day she was showered with a blessing that was enough to cover her entire two years of school, including that extra semester she now had to take.

Saturday was the day she realized doubt was a silly and flippant thing.

Saturday was the day that the idea of enduring smacked her once again.

Because no matter how much she doubted or how much she worried or how much she question, God told her he was bigger.

End scene


I really, honestly, have no other words to say about this moment, except that it brings me back to the spring I graduated high school.
I remember standing in my kitchen answering a phone call that would change my life—the college I had initially declined was calling to tell me they were awarded me a full ride scholarship for my academics.
I never thought I’d make it to college in the first place because of finances (oh my gosh…I’ve been worrying about this crap since I was 17? WHAT is wrong with me?) but God told me that day that I shouldn’t have to worry.

But did I listen? No.
Did that whole amazing, grace filled experience change me? No because I am a silly human. Here I am praying for His will and trying to follow Him, but was I trusting? No.

So he smacks me in the face again.

And this time, I am on my knees praising Him letting go of this stupid, stupid financial worry.
He truly is the great provider.
All He asks is that I trust and keep enduring.
To Him be the glory and power forever.


Someday, when I’ve had time to think,  this will be part of my memoir.