July 12, 2012

A ‘just deal’ Run

My morning started like this.

Actually, let me back up, because this morning actually started with last night.

This is what happened to my living room

And it spilled over onto my bed, and the dining room table, and pretty much anywhere else there was free room.

It’s often what happens the evening before Music Man Leaves.
He’s got a million things to put together and pack up.

I’m used to it by now.
However, the late nights and early mornings… that’s something I’ll never get used too.
This morning started with a bedtime of about 11:45 pm by the time everything was all said and done.

I was definitely tired, pimply faced, and full of dark circles.
Lovely. Glad I documented it.

Then, the alarm went off about 3:30 am since Music Man had to drive a bit  to catch his 6am flight.
He’s off to two weeks of Army leadership school, and even though we just did close to four weeks apart, and even though I’m used to all of this, I feel this will be the hardest separation this summer.
We probably won’t get to talk much, if at all this time.
That’s often the hardest part for me.

So, when my 5:30 am alarm went off, I turned it off and rolled back over really just wanting to stay in bed all day.
It’s how I feel when he leaves.

But, I’m stronger than that.

I only slept for about another hour and then dragged myself out of bed. Almost literally.
Then I pulled on the jog bra and sneakers,and headed out for a watchless run.

It’s my typical Just Deal run.

This is Music Man’s third training trip this summer, he had two last summer, and before that, he had multiple trips or weekends in the field when he was active duty, not to mention a deployment.
I’m used to it.
But running , among many other things, helps me through it.

I’m not typically a mopey person, but I can be. Oh boy, can I be.
But I don’t like to be. I’d rather be joyful, encouraging, positive, and hopeful.
Yet like the first few steps of a run, the first day of him gone is always the hardest.
I seriously, well, maybe if I had a tv in the bedroom, could stay in our bed all day. I could toss and turn, nap on and off, watch some dopey soap operas or talk shows, spend hours on Netflix, maybe read a book, but mainly just stay sedentary and throw a giant pity party for myself.

I could.
But I never do.

Instead, I get out of bed, and often times head out on some scheduled training run that I never finish.
My Just Deal runs are my best-worst runs ever.
I never hit the mileage I’m supposed to be training for that day.
I never wear a watch.
I just take my jelly legs and run.

After a night of being woken up early, falling in and out of sleep, and crazy dreams (like the one last night where JJ had a stroke and had weird yellow goop coming out of his eyes)  I know my morning run is going to be no good.
Today I was supposed to do 5 easy miles.

I ran 2.5.
It was terrible.
It was beautiful.

When I started I didn’t think I was going to be able to run. My legs hated me. My heart hurt.
But I kept pacing, and after about 3/4 a mile, my legs warmed up. I probably ran at my typical pace, but I don’t know because I didn’t time it.
Instead, I focused on the beauty of the park, and the fact that I ran by a deer 3 feet away from me that didn’t move at all.

And I prayed.
I prayed for safe travel. For encouragement. For strength. For time to grow independently. For Music Man to know how proud of him I am.
I offered up thanksgiving for the life we have and the life we’re being called too. Even if it means being apart.

But mostly, I prayed for endurance.
That we could make it through the next two weeks stronger—in God, in love, in ourselves, and in each other.

And after that horrible-wonderful 2.5 miles, I felt good.
Like I always do.
Because these runs, they take the things I’ve been handed at this one very moment—the things that are hindering me from moving forward—and they teach me not grow weary and lose heart.

They teach me to endure. To persevere.
To just deal.

Passing the Baton: Have you had any runs lately that have taught you something? Do you have something reoccurring in your life in which you find yourself running to deal with it? Have you ever run to get rid of pain before? Do you run for joy? What does a watchless run teach you?
Seek Peace. Choose Joy. Find Strong. Live Faith. Breath Hope.